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As concerned adults, we want to protect
children from sexual abuse, but we can't always be there
to do that. We can, however, teach children about sexual
abuse in order to increase their awareness. Without
frightening children, we can provide them with
appropriate safety information and support at every
stage of their development. We can provide personal
safety information to children in a matter of fact way,
with other routine safety discussions about fire, water,
and health. Although even the best educated children
cannot always avoid sexual abuse, children who are well
prepared will be more likely to tell you if abuse has
occurred. This is a child's best defense. In order to
protect children, teach them.
- To feel good about themselves and
know they are loved and valued and they deserve to be
safe
- The difference between safe and
unsafe touches
- The proper names for all body parts,
so they will be able to communicate clearly
- Body safety rules that apply to all
adults, not just strangers
- That their bodies belong to them and
nobody has the right to touch them or hurt them
- That they can say “no” to a request
that make them feel uncomfortable even from a close
relative or family friend.
- To report to you if any adult asks
them to keep a secret
- That some adults have problems
- That they can rely on you to believe
and protect them if they tell you about any abuse.
- That they are not bad or to blame for
sexual abuse
- To tell a trusted adult even if they
are afraid of what may happen
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Listening to Children
If a child trusts you enough to tell you
about an incident of sexual abuse, you are in an
important position to help that child recover. The
following suggestions can help you provide positive
support.
Do :
- Keep calm. It is important to
remember that you are not angry with the child, but at
what happened. Children can mistakenly interpret anger
of disgust as directed toward them.
Believe the child.
- Children rarely lie about sexual
abuse.
- Give positive messages. Examples are
“I know it wasn't your fault,” or “I'm proud of you
for telling.”
- Explain to the child that he/she is
not to blame for what happened.
- Listen to and answer the child's
questions honestly.
- Respect the child's privacy. Be
careful not to discuss the abuse in front of people
who do not need to know what happened.
- Be responsible. Report the incident
to Children's Protective Services. The Children's
Assessment Center can work to help protect the child's
safety and provide resources for further assistance.
- Arrange a medical exam. This process
can reassure you that there has been no permanent
physical damage and may verify important evidence.
Contact the Children's Assessment Center with your
questions about medical exams.
- Get help. Get competent professional
counseling, even if it's only for a short time. The
Children's Assessment Center can help you find a
qualified counselor who is right for you and your
child.
Don't :
- Don't panic or overreact
when the child talks about the experience. Children
need help and support to make it through this
difficult time.
- Don't pressure the child to
talk or avoid talking about the abuse. Allow the child
to talk at his/her pace. Forcing information can be
harmful. Silencing the child will not help him/her
forget.
- Don't confront the offender in the
child's presence. The stress may be harmful. This is a
job for the authorities
- Don't blame the child. Sexual
abuse is never the child's fault.
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The
Grooming Process
People who abuse children do so
for a variety of reasons. However, they rarely
molest children because of a momentary loss of
self-control. To the contrary, sex offenders tend
to gravitate toward positions where they can have
authority over children. They then work hard to
gain the trust of both the children in their care
and the children's parents.
Once they have gained the
community's trust, they carefully pick and set up
potential victims. Gravitating toward lonely
children whose parents are either busy or
inattentive toward their child, they seek to
become this child's best friend by lavishing
him/her with attention |
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Molesters in our
Midst: Confronting the Myths that Blind Us
The sexual
misuse of children in our society is as ordinary as it
is horrifying. Surveys of the population show that the
problem is of epidemic proportions effecting one I five
girls and one in seven boys before they reach 18. No
child is immune. Child sexual abuse respects no
boundaries of class, religion, or color. Still few
parents imagine that it could happen to their child and
even fewer recognize it when it does.
Why are parents so blind to the
vulnerability of their children? It is not because they
don't care. The realization that there are people out
there who would willingly violate the innocence of a
child is a very difficult pill for many parents to
swallow.
Learn
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