Children And Family Enrichment Council

Every child is vulnerable to sexual abuse. Today's parents must face the possibility that someone may hurt or take advantage of their child. Very young children as well as older teenagers may be victimized. Most of these will be abused by someone they know and trust: a relative, family friend or caretaker.

Sexual abuse can occur in many forms. It includes

Sexual touching and fondling
Exposing children to adult sexual activity or pornographic materials
Having children pose, undress, or perform in a sexual fashion on film or in person
Rape or attempted rape

Sexual abuse involves forcing, tricking, bribing, threatening or pressuring a child into sexual awareness or activity. Sexual abuse occurs when an older or more knowledgeable child or an adult uses a child for sexual pleasure. The abuse often begins gradually and increases over time.

The use of physical force is rarely necessary to engage a child in sexual activity because the children are trusting and dependent. They want to please others by gaining their love and approval. Children are taught not to question authority and they believe that adults are always right. Perpetrators of child sexual abuse are aware of this and take advantage of these vulnerabilities in children. Sexual abuse is an abuse of power over a child and a violation of a child's right to a normal, healthy, and trusting relationship.

Signs of Sexual Abuse

Because most children cannot or do not tell about being sexually abused, it is up to concerned adults to recognize signs of sexual abuse. Physical evidence of sexual abuse is rare. Therefore, we must look for signs in behavior. Unfortunately, there is no one behavior alone that definitely determines a child has been sexually abused.

The following are general behavioral changes that may occur in children who have been sexually abused. They may also indicate some other distress in a child's life, however. In any case, when you observe these behaviors, especially when there are two or more, it is wise to explore the causes.

• Physical complaints	• Sexually inappropriate behavior
• Sleep disturbances	• Nightmares
• School problems	• Anger and Mood changes
• Withdrawal from family, friends or usual activities	• Fears and Phobias
• Crying	• Attention Seeking
• Nausea/upset stomach	• Rebelliousness
• Clinging to parents	• Eating Disorders
• Self destructive behavior	• Delinquent Acts
• Depression	• Anxiety

Symptoms that may point more directly to sexual abuse include

Sexual knowledge or behavior which is unusual given the child's age
Unexplained pain, swelling, bleeding, or irritation of the mouth, genital or anal area: urinary infections, sexually transmitted diseases
Hints, indirect comments or statements about the abuse

Children react differently depending on age, extent of abuse, support from others and their relationship with the offender. The single most important factor affecting the child's recovery is the level of support from the non-offending parent or caregiver . It is this simple. IF you do everything you can to support your child, the chances of recovery are much greater. If you feel torn between loyalty to your child and loyalty to the offender, find a professional to help you sort it out.

Often children do not tell anyone about sexual abuse because they

• Are too young to put what has happened into words

• Were threatened or bribed by the abuser to keep the abuse a secret

• Felt confused by the attention and feelings accompanying the abuse

• Are afraid no one will believe them

• Blame themselves or believe the abuse is punishment for being “bad”

• Felt too ashamed or embarrasses to tell

• Worry about getting into trouble or getting a loved one into trouble.

Silence enables sexual abuse to continue. Silence protects sexual offenders and hurts children who are being abused. Sexual abuse is an extremely difficult and damaging experience. Today there are many resources to help victims and their families. Children no longer need to suffer in silence.

Children's Responses

Children who have been sexually abused feel many different and often overwhelming emotions, including

Fear

Of the abuser

Of causing trouble

Of losing adults important to them

Of being taken away from the home

Of being “different”

Anger

At the abuser

At themselves, feeling as if they caused trouble

Isolation

Because “something is wrong with me”

Because they feel alone in their experience

Because they have trouble talking about the abuse

Sadness

About having something taken from them

About losing a part of themselves

About growing up too fast

About being betrayed by someone they trust

Guilt

For not being able to stop the abuse

For believing they “consented” to the abuse

For “telling” if they told

For keeping the secret – if they did not tell

Shame

About being involved in the experience

About their bodies' response to the abuse

Confusion

Because they may still love the abuse

Because their feelings change all the time

Protecting the Children

As concerned adults, we want to protect children from sexual abuse, but we can't always be there to do that. We can, however, teach children about sexual abuse in order to increase their awareness. Without frightening children, we can provide them with appropriate safety information and support at every stage of their development. We can provide personal safety information to children in a matter of fact way, with other routine safety discussions about fire, water, and health. Although even the best educated children cannot always avoid sexual abuse, children who are well prepared will be more likely to tell you if abuse has occurred. This is a child's best defense. In order to protect children, teach them.

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Molesters in our Midst: Confronting the Myths that Blind Us

The sexual misuse of children in our society is as ordinary as it is horrifying. Surveys of the population show that the problem is of epidemic proportions effecting one I five girls and one in seven boys before they reach 18. No child is immune. Child sexual abuse respects no boundaries of class, religion, or color. Still few parents imagine that it could happen to their child and even fewer recognize it when it does.

Why are parents so blind to the vulnerability of their children? It is not because they don't care. The realization that there are people out there who would willingly violate the innocence of a child is a very difficult pill for many parents to swallow.

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