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Current national statistics state that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys are sexually assaulted before the age of 18. Given these facts, it is very likely that someday each of us will know of a child who has been assaulted. However, as parents we want to believe that our own children will never be affected by this crime. Discovering that your own child my have been sexually assaulted can stir up many emotions. Although reactions vary, there are some common themes and feelings of:
POWERLESSNESS
- I want to make it go away, but I can't
- I want to make it go away, how can I do that?
- If only my child had told me after the first time.
SHOCK
- I still can't believe this has happened to my child.
- Why our family?
- How could he ever do that to my baby?
GUILT
- I should have known.
- I should have seen some signs.
- I should have never left her alone with him.
- I shouldn't have been a working mom.
SHAME
- I can't believe this happened- what will people think of us?
- How will I ever explain this to the rest of my family?
- Will everyone think I'm a horrible parent?
DENIAL
- It isn't affecting my child at all.
- I just can't believe that he would ever do something like that to his own child.
- It's in the past, we need to just put it behind us.
- I don't want to get therapy for my child, I want him to forget about it.
ANGER
- How could anyone do this?
- I could just kill…
- I want him to suffer for this.
FEAR
- Will my daughter ever get over this?
- Will my son become a homosexual because of this?
- Will they take my kids away from me?
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All of these feelings are normal and need to be expressed within an environment that offers you support. As a parent, you have a very difficult task of balancing your needs and the needs of your child throughout the investigation. It is of utmost importance that you remain healthy enough emotionally to meet these needs of your child.
Parenting under the best of circumstances can be difficult; there are always everyday demands such as finances, job stress, relationship, etc., but when a crisis is added to this mix, these everyday stressors are magnified.
Dealing with the sexual assault of your child is a particularly difficult crisis. As parents, we see our children as extensions of ourselves. We feel our child's pain very deeply. This enables some of us to respond with unconditional love and support. For others, it may remind us of our own path, or possibly our victimization. This can become so overwhelming that we want to deny that it happened to our child or find a way to minimize the impact and effects it will inevitably have on our own family. Whichever your response, please remember that you need to receive support as well.
This is designed to give you support, information and resources. We want to assist you during this investigation and answer any questions or concerns that you have along the way. We are providing this information so that you can refer to it and feel as knowledgeable as possible. |
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Protecting the Children
As concerned adults, we want to protect children from sexual abuse, but we can't always be there to do that. We can, however, teach children about sexual abuse in order to increase their awareness. Without frightening children, we can provide them with appropriate safety information and support at every stage of their development. We can provide personal safety information to children in a matter of fact way, with other routine safety discussions about fire, water, and health. Although even the best educated children cannot always avoid sexual abuse, children who are well prepared will be more likely to tell you if abuse has occurred. This is a child's best defense. In order to protect children, teach them. |
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Molesters in our Midst: Confronting the Myths that Blind Us
The sexual misuse of children in our society is as ordinary as it is horrifying. Surveys of the population show that the problem is of epidemic proportions effecting one I five girls and one in seven boys before they reach 18. No child is immune. Child sexual abuse respects no boundaries of class, religion, or color. Still few parents imagine that it could happen to their child and even fewer recognize it when it does.
Why are parents so blind to the vulnerability of their children? It is not because they don't care. The realization that there are people out there who would willingly violate the innocence of a child is a very difficult pill for many parents to swallow.
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